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This post will carefully consider the umbrella diagram (biblical order of the family) made popular by Bill Gothard many years ago.
*It can be read in 5 minutes.*
Before delving in too far, I offer a couple of brief observations about this umbrella diagram:
One: The wife does not have direct access to Jesus Christ! She must go through her husband! This is not biblical. It is theologically incorrect, and it conflicts with so much Scripture. First Timothy 2:5 proclaims “there is one God and one mediator between God and mankind, the man Christ Jesus.” Women, you have direct access to God through our Lord Jesus Christ! Anyone who comes to Christ in faith will be saved (Romans 10:9). Men and women alike can confidently approach the throne of grace (Hebrews 4:16). Women are not given special instructions to approach differently. A woman does not need her father, husband, or man in the church to serve as her mediator or covering. Women, Jesus sees YOU and hears YOU!
Two: The role descriptions in this diagram are problematic. Women certainly protect their families too. Right? It is not the exclusive domain of men to protect; mothers are actually noted to be quite protective – think “mama bear.” And even the celebrated Proverbs 31 woman provided income for her family. These strict role descriptions simply don’t match up with the Bible or with the realities of life.
This umbrella diagram portrays patriarchy. But patriarchy is not what the Bible teaches. Here is where we delve in, but we will return again to the umbrella.
Patriarchy: the cultural background, but not God’s model for living
Patriarchy (male rule) and primogeniture (priority of the male first born) is definitely the cultural backdrop of Bible times, but was not God’s intent. The Bible does not teach patriarchy and primogeniture as a model for living. God often worked within the cultural norms for a given time, but was calling his people to something better and different.
For example, primogeniture is regularly subverted and overturned in Scripture. God chose Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, and David – none of whom were first born. Jesus is the “last Adam” and Jesus exercises authority. The Gospels emphasize that the first will be last, and the last will be first, in God’s kingdom.
Despite the patriarchal cultural backdrop of Bible times, there are a surprising number of instances where God bypassed husbands or men, and directly utilized women for his purposes, even using them to communicate vital information to Israel. Particularly in patriarchal times, this speaks volumes! If patriarchy was God’s mandate, then God breaks his own rule. A few examples:
⇒ In Judges 13, an angel of the LORD went directly to a wife and communicated to her a plan for Israel’s deliverance to come through Samson, rather than mediate through her husband.
⇒ Deborah was a prophet, judge, and military leader in Israel (Judges 4-5) as well as a wife, and she was utilized for God’s purposes as an authority and leader.
⇒ Huldah was a female prophet and a wife, and King Josiah sent a group of important men to her to find out what God wanted them to do (2 Chron. 34; 2 Kings 22-23). These men heeded her word of counsel. Of note, there were male prophets available that they could have sought out instead, but they did not.
⇒ An influential woman known as the wise woman of Abel Beth Maacah prevented her town from being destroyed by Joab’s troops, speaking directly and persuasively with Joab. Joab listened and the troops withdrew (2 Sam 20:14-26).
Where did patriarchy come from?
Patriarchy is a result of “the Fall” – that is, the human fall into sin recorded in Genesis chapter 3. Prior to the Fall, in Genesis chapter 1 and 2, there is not even a hint of male rule. Adam and Eve are portrayed as equals and partners to rule over God’s good earth together.
Not until they are deceived by Satan, and sin enters this world, is it then mentioned that as a result of sin “your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you” (Gen. 3:16).
Sin and its consequences is not something to follow and imitate – especially as New Testament believers. The theme of Scripture is the redemption of humankind and the reversal of the effects of the Fall through the work of Jesus Christ. Why would we want to model our lives after the curse?
Jesus demonstrated a new and better way for his sons and daughters to live. (But even in the Old Testament there were signs that God was moving his people slowly towards this better way, as noted above.)
Jesus, and the early church
Jesus routinely treated women in a counter-cultural, non patriarchal, way. Jewish women were generally prohibited from religious education, yet when Mary took the position of a learner at the feet of Rabbi Jesus, he defended her right to learn. Women were among the first witnesses of the resurrection and were sent by the risen Lord Jesus to proclaim the good news to the men. In a patriarchal society where the testimony of women carried little weight, the irony and affirmation of this was huge!
Jesus took women seriously, and saw them as capable, insightful, and intelligent. Men were often surprised by how Jesus interacted with women, because – again – Jesus behaved contrary to patriarchal norms.
The same can be observed in the early church. Philip’s daughters prophesied. Lydia was the prime mover in getting a church started. Phoebe served as a deacon. Priscilla taught theology to Apollos. In Romans 16, Paul greets nine women. Five of the nine are referred to as co-workers and some are praised for working very hard.
The voice and service of women was valued in the early church. They were not relegated to the sidelines. They were not limited to working exclusively with children or other women. Rather, they were seen as capable to work at large in the church utilizing their spiritual gifts.
Back to the umbrella.
Are Christians supposed to be focused on ruling, and authority? what about marriage?
The umbrella diagram portrays male rule, but ruling and authority is not supposed to be a concern of Christian believers! In an interesting discussion that Jesus had with his disciples, which can be found in Matthew 20 and Mark 10, Jesus ends up saying:
“You know that those regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their superiors exercise authority over them. But it shall not be this way among you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be the slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.”
A fixation on authority is a sign that we are drifting or have drifted off the path that Jesus intends for us to follow.
And the passage about marriage in Ephesians 5:21-33 can be strangely misinterpreted and misunderstood. A detailed exposition of this passage would need to be another article, but note:
⇒ The section begins with verse 21: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Submission is to be the attitude of all believers, men and women alike, as we imitate our Lord Jesus, who humbled himself and became a servant. This is taught throughout the New Testament. Submission, servanthood, and humility is to be the path of ALL believers.
⇒ As the passage continues, indeed, wives are told to submit and respect, and husbands to love. Okay. Please pause and think.
Women are not told to love in this passage. Only the men are told to love. Does that mean wives do not have to love their husbands? Obviously not!
Because husbands are not told to respect or submit to their wives, does that mean men can treat their wives disrespectfully? Does it mean a man will never submit to his wife, never admit he was wrong about something or heed his wife’s counsel? I think not! And it would not be loving for a husband to behave this way!
I’d rather not be married to a man that does not respect me or submit to me sometimes. My husband would rather not be married to a woman that does not love him. Both men and women love. Both men and women submit and respect.
Also note the instructions given to husbands in verses 25-33. Husbands are repeatedly told to love their wives, but are not commanded to lead them.
Too many have missed the big picture and broader points of this passage, and strangely pulled out certain words and made them rigid and exclusive. (More detailed discussion on this passage would be for another time.)
In closing…Avoiding false dichotomies
So what is the answer? If not patriarchy (male rule), is it supposed to be matriarchy (female rule)? No. Neither patriarchy or matriarchy is God’s intent for humanity. God’s intent is for men and women to co-rule this earth together.
If an umbrella diagram must be used, male and female are side by side, falling together under the umbrella of our Lord Jesus Christ. See below.
Men and women are not interchangeable, but are individuals, each with unique talents, abilities, and spiritual gifts. Rather than stereotyping or rigidly seeing our spouse by their gender alone, we view them as a unique man or woman made in the image of God. It is a relationship of mutuality and partnership, where each one sometimes submits and leads, based on ability and circumstance, and each looking to the Lord Jesus Christ.
Marriage will never be perfect in this fallen world, but basing our marriages on the curse, where one rules over the other, should not be the model. Remember that the theme of Scripture is the redemption of humankind and the reversal of the effects of the Fall through the work of Jesus Christ.
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I agree 100%. More than forty years ago, a coworker invited me to a church that followed Bill Gothard’s teaching. I blindly followed along for several years, enduring much pain and hardships as a result.
Thanks for sharing this Linda Lee. Remnants of Gothard’s teaching are sadly still out there. For example, I see the umbrella diagram on a regular basis on social media – being endorsed as the biblical order of the family.
I’m not on Facebook and I rarely go on my Twitter account, so I haven’t seen anything like that on social media. It makes me sad to know this false teaching is still out there. The nightmare I went through, as a result of following Gothard’s teaching — it was very, very bad.
recoveringgrace.org the victims of gothard teachings tell their stories. waht is really sad are those who became athiest becz of it.
Thanks for sharing the resource (website).
Thank you for this website, Susan. My faith was badly shaken, thanks to my experience with the Gothard teaching, and the things I later experienced while working fulltime for a major televangelist in the 1980s. Sadly, I did lose my faith and wandered far from the Lord for many turbulent years. But the Lord Jesus Christ never let go of me. God’s grace is so amazing!
Often there are situations where husband and wife do not agree on a critical course of action. I saw this with my parents. My mother almost always deferred to my father in these instances despite her sometimes very strong feelings and opinions in the total opposite direction. These decisions involved financial risk and even where we lived and how we supported ourselves.
She shared with me years later that it always amazed her how God had informed my father in ways that she could not see at the time. It always turned out that in these pivotal times, my Dad’s course of action was the good one.
Once my mother became aware that God was leading through my father, it was an easier thing for her to defer to him. She gave her thoughts and opinions, and there were discussions, and sometimes her way was taken. But when there was an impasse, she deferred to him. She told me once, “A ship cannot have two captains.”
They always cherished and respected one another, an example for which I’m eternally grateful.
Of course, God leads through women as well. I think it is the responsibility of both husband and wife prayerfully to consider what God desires in a time of great decision. And especially, to be able truly to consider that our own preferred way might not be the right one.
It is most important to realize and accept that men and women see the world very differently. God can use our differences to an amazing extent. I’ve seen this in my own marriage. I may disagree vehemently with my husband, yet when I give (sometimes grudgingly) credence and validity to his position and to the possibility that God is informing him in ways of which I’m not yet aware, often the outcomes reflect this expanded and embracing view.
The man’s umbrella does not shut the woman off from Christ. It shelters and protects her. I feel we have a sad shortage of men these days who are willing to do the work required to protect their families. That is a whole other topic though!
Thanks Becky for your comments and observations about your parents. No marriage is exactly alike, as it brings two unique individuals together. That is one reason I have problems with much Christian marriage material because it too often stereotypes men and women, or has a rigid paradigm that it applies to all. Rather than providing biblical principles that can be adapted to each marriage situation. (A great Christian marriage book that does exactly that, and I highly recommend, is Making Marriage Beautiful by Dorothy Greco. I reviewed HERE.)
“It is most important to realize and accept that men and women see the world very differently.” – I would not agree here, entirely. While there may be some ways that women and men have a general tendency to perceive things differently due to being male or female, there is much more to it than that. Such as personality types and cultural backgrounds. Two people, regardless of their gender (two male friends, two female friends, a male and female friendship, a husband and wife) could see the world very much the same or very differently due to shared or not-shared personality types, cultural background, life experience, etc.
“The man’s umbrella does not shut the woman off from Christ. It shelters and protects her.” – That could be a positive way to see it. But unfortunately there are Christian patriarchy groups that take this to an extreme, women can lack freedoms and be controlled – sheltered in a unbalanced and unhealthy way.
At the very end of your comments, I do agree there can be problems with some men not being as involved or participatory in their family as they should be. But I’d say the answer it not for them to become the top umbrella (leader) but simply to become more involved. I wrote more about this in another post: The alternative to passivity is not leadership. Link HERE.
Appreciate the discussion. Thanks again for your comments.
According to the Bible there are other human authorities to submit to. Where, in Gothard’s diagram, is the umbrella of Employer/Master over the Husband and Government over the Employer? If we’re going to play the “I’m the Boss!” game.
I kind of wonder if (generally speaking) respect comes more easily to men while love comes more easily to women. The Bible takes our weaknesses into account.
I’m a single woman, but have listened as an outsider to married women in nurseries/Bible studies/ladies’ retreats giggling together at how dumb their husbands are. Affection can sometimes be disrespectful. I’ve seen this in how mothers have treated adult children too.
Worth noting the examples of dissing I mention all occurred in traditional marriages with traditional gender roles. In the New Testament times traditional marriages would have been a given, since feminism did not exist.
Appreciate your comments Rachel. I’d have to google it, and I don’t feel like doing so – haha – but I think Gothard was big on “authority” levels and the importance of everyone falling under whatever “umbrella” was above them. Perhaps a seed of truth about humility and respect, and society needs some order and structure, but I think Gothard turned it into a rigid paradigm and it ended up more about control of others. (? My perceptions )
My dad and mom have had a traditional marriage. Almost 50 years now. Dad was not always using his headship to browbeat Mom but went out of his way to look out for her and us. Attitude is everything.
Hard to respect a leader who decides to take a page from King Rehoboam. Lawfully appointed king of Israel. But his authoritarianism ended in a rupture.
Leaders are necessary. But tyrants make bad leaders.
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You bring up many good points but you ignore the “order” of the family….it is not co-leadership. It is male-leadership. Nowhere in Scripture does God tell husbands and wives to co-lead their family. Nowhere. He tells them just the opposite. Go back and re-read 1 Corinthians 11:2-16; Ephesians 5:21-28; Colossians 3:18-19; 1 Peter 3:1 – (and then read your blog in that context). In Christ there is no gender superiority (male or female), but there is still order! And it’s His order! Christ could have chosen 6 men and 6 women to be His disciples. He didn’t. The Bible doesn’t use the word/term “patriarchy,” and this order has nothing to do with “patriarchy.” It has to do with the Word of God.
You are correct on many points about wives having direct access to God and also being protectors and providers (too). Nevertheless, God has established and expects His order for the family to be followed. I’m retired Navy and I easily understand this concept – a ship will have 1 CO and 1 XO. One will always have command. Not both. But both are needed. One is not MORE important than the other – each has their own role. Children need to see this order, too. And society is better off when we follow the Lord’s order. Luke 16:13 has a principle which applies here, too.
Hi Clay, thanks for leaving a comment. I appreciate that you mention some points you agree with. I’ll just reply with my thoughts:
In Genesis 1:26-28, both man and woman (Adam and Eve) are told to rule the earth together. They are given the same blessing and the same function – both are told rule over the earth, not the man alone. This did not change until after the Fall in Genesis chapter 3, where it then says that man will “rule over” woman. (The clear implication of conferring rulership to Adam after the Fall is that he was NOT Eve’s ruler prior to the Fall.) — But we should NOT base our lives on the curse of the Fall into sin, but on the redemption that came through Jesus – and how God intended things to be BEFORE the Fall in Genesis 1 and 2.
Co-leadership does not mean a lack of order or chaos. A marriage relationship is not an army platoon, business corporation, or a branch of the government. It does not need a commanding officer, boss, or ruler. The husband and wife, according to Scripture, make up one body or “one flesh.” It is a partnership by God’s design, not one being in command. If one half of our physical body decided to take command, it would hinder our body’s ability to function. The Scripture has various warnings about Christians being focused on being in charge or ruling over others. It is not the Christian way.
Regarding some of the passages by Paul in the New Testament (such as the Colossians passage you reference), it is important to understand the “Greco-Roman Household codes” that were the norm in ancient Rome. Paul was making these “work” with Christianity, and actually, in doing so, he was planting the seeds for the end of patriarchy (male rule) and slavery. The New Testament epistles were not endorsing or encouraging the hierarchical social order of that time. Rather, they were undercutting it. It is easy to miss this from our modern day perspective. We can miss how radical and revolutionary it was for Paul to tell husbands (who were in charge or command in Paul’s time) to love their wives and slaves as Christ loves us.
Paul tells women and slaves to submit or obey, and this is really very odd, because in their culture they were ALREADY subordinate. Paul’s commands to women (and slaves/children) were redundant. Women, slaves and children were already subordinate in first century culture! This was really an easy command for them – just keep doing what you are already doing.
However, Paul’s instruction to husbands to love their wives and not be harsh, would require significant – drastic – change for them! To love their wives in such a way could make them look weak in their ancient Roman culture. For a first-century man to so carefully consider the needs of his wife, children and slaves would involve submission, self-denial, and humility on his part. And THAT is the Christian way.
ALL Christians are to live a life of submission and love because Jesus lived a life of submission and love, not because we are a man or woman, or in a particular place or position in life. When Paul told husbands to love in this way, it really changed everything – it was basing marriage NOT on the curse of Genesis 3 (man in command) but basing marriage on the redemption that came through Christ. Jesus redeemed us from the curse of sin. Christians should model their marriages on the Lord Jesus, and how God intended things to be in Genesis 1 and 2 where Adam and Eve were told to rule the earth together, not one taking command.
Very well said, Laura. It’s a shame that so few pastors and Bible teachers say anything at all about the Greco Roman household codes. I think this point isn’t well known at all, yet Aristotle taught them in the same order as given in Ephesians and Colossians: Husband and wife, parents and children, masters and slaves.
Also, while Clay may be correct that the Navy appoints one leader over all the ship, most of human life isn’t analogous to a naval war vessel. Most friendships between individuals don’t have a designated leader who calls all the shots. There are many business partnerships that operate as equals. And many egalitarian marriages flourish without any one person “in charge.”
Thanks for your comment Greg. Good points that I appreciate you contributing.
On a side note, and a rabbit trail, so many today call their spouse their best friend. (I do not. I just see friendship as with someone not related to you, although I do have a close relationship with my husband.) But my point is, with all this “spouse as best friend” how many friendships have one friend being in command or the leader?? They don’t.
Paul doesn’t say for women to be silent because of some cultural norm… he spells it out in the following verses… because woman was deceived and sinned first… it’s really not that hard when the context of Scripture is taken in full…
Thanks for your comment. This post isn’t about “women being silent” but the so-called “biblical order of the family.” Regarding women being silent because woman was deceived/sinned first, I have written about that in other posts, such as the ones below.
Ruling out a possible interpretation of 1 Timothy 2:11-15. Is there a timeless foundational principle that women are more easily deceived?
and
What women can and cannot do relative to teaching the Bible
We are talking about marriage and the family.
BEFORE the fall, God created man first, then gave him the command to NOT eat from the tree in the center…then God created Eve from Adam…and she eats from the tree…and after the fall, God comes straight back to the man and holds Adam responsible for what his wife did. Your thoughts that 3:17 is not really what God intends for us now is not supported by Scripture. What does Scripture say?
“For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.” (Ephesian 5:23)
Your comments that Paul simply said this to teach the new church to comply with “Greco-Roman Household codes” doesn’t work exegetically. If the husband’s role in the marriage is interchangeable with the wife’s role (as you suggest) then it must follow that Christ’s role is interchangeable with the church…and both share headship.
Which you and I both know is not true.
Stick to the Word. Avoid the temptation to apply the culture to the Word (or Aristotle), but please do the opposite.
There is oneness in marriage and there is order. Both are true. There is order in the Body of Christ too…He appointed some as elders, shepherds…not to “lord it over,” but to lead by serving and to lead by example. There is order in the universe.
And it’s all established by the Word of our Creator.
And marriage is for the here and now (see Mark 12:25). There is no need to try to recreate something different that we think we are missing from the Garden. The veil ripped, the Spirit indwelled, and we have have been restored spiritually to God in the here and now…and while we wait for the restoration of our earthly bodies, we are called to observe His order…for our good…and the good of society.
Hi Clay, thanks for your reply back. I don’t think either of us is going to convince each other.
I’ll reply to this: “God comes straight back to the man and holds Adam responsible for what his wife did.” – No, that is not accurate. God addressed Adam as an individual, and then God went to Eve separately and questioned her as an individual. God did not hold Adam accountable for what they did, but for what he did. Eve did not need a spokesman, and they were treated as separate moral agents.
Of interest, I’ve been happily married for 28 years. My husband and I practice mutual submission, as we both strive to imitate Christ. We each have different God-given gifts and abilities, and we each take the lead at times with different things accordingly.
An egalitarian view does not see interchangeability between man and woman in the marriage, but flexibility. Depending on things such as life circumstances and individual gifting, roles in a marriage may flex or change. The husband and wife work together, each stepping up to serve and lead in their family when their personal abilities or the season of life deems it best.
For anyone viewing this, I have blogged quite extensively about women and men in the home and church. Please see the category to the right “Gender Equality/Roles of Women and Men” for many articles on different aspects of these concerns.
It is a shame and a big black eye in the church, that those few verses about wives submitting and obeying are taken out of context and misapplied as many women have suffered abuse because of those verses. There are other verses like staying single and greeting others with a holy kiss that are totally ignored.
And it is ironic that the only group offering help and resources to women abused by patriarchal teachings are those who are egalitarian (those who believe that spouses have equal say and submission is mutual.)
Hi Susan, thanks for these insightful comments.
Yes, there are as many verses (as women submitting) that instruct us to greet each other with a holy kiss. So why aren’t we enforcing holy kisses?? hehe. But a valid point!
For anyone out there, a helpful article: https://margmowczko.com/wifely-submission-and-holy-kisses/
Agree… I tried to draw my own umbrella model on my blog https://alsowritten.wordpress.com/2019/02/04/no-hierarchy-in-church/
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Thanks for this, Laura. I love the way God’s greatest messages were given to women first: Mary (Messiah is coming!) the woman at the well (“I am He.”) and the best news of all, given to the women at the Tomb – “He is risen!” (And when Jesus appeared to the men, the first thing He did was rebuke them for not believing the women.😏) Of course, there are plenty of good an bad examples in both sides, but the most important thing is that God loves ALL of us, flaws and all. ❤️
I appreciate your comment, and thanks for sharing these examples!
Great analysis. I agree. I have previously thought that patriarchy appears to be part of the curse, and, if so, wondered we should have a theology that perpetuates that aspect of the curse. I don’t recall reading or hearing anyone say that before.
Thanks for your comment! I appreciate it. Though I got my ideas from various egalitarian authors. Are you familiar with CBE – Christians for Biblical Equality? A great resource! https://www.cbeinternational.org/
No, I just read my Bible 😉
I like your wink there! And now I have a brief blog post in mind. : )
Laura Martin, I read your article. I’m sorry, but I have never heard anyone (who has used the above graphic) teach anything similar to your first two observations, and I’ve heard some rather strict Bible teachers. That means your article is built on a straw-man argument to accomplish an agenda.
I somehow missed this comment. Sorry for the late reply. Please note that I did not say that I’ve heard anyone teach anything like my first points. Rather, please look again, I simply share what I observe when I look at the umbrella graphic. What jumps out to me when I look at it, even momentarily, is that women do not have direct access to Christ. There are those who do teach women need a “covering” and that comes close. And whether or not anyone teaches the observations in point one and two, is not the point, because regardless that is what the graphic shows or demonstrates.
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