Well, this is not a cheery New Year’s post but an honest one. My church journey has been very frustrating the last several years. We feel so isolated and don’t seem to belong anywhere. Thinking about it recently, I thought the best description is that we are “spiritual refugees.” We are…Christians adrift, attending church, but feeling so outside the camp. So, I then decided to google “spiritual refugee” and see if anyone else was thinking this way.
Well, this post over at the nakedpastor really hit the nail on the head! Are you a spiritual refugee? Please note, that while nakedpastor is a site I check on occasion, I don’t read it regularly. Some thoughts I agree with, but many I do not.
Reading this post, I think we are actually not refugees, but we are spiritual internally displaced persons! It was somehow validating and comforting to read a description that so fits our struggles! “Trapped…with no recourse” – yep, that sums it up. The cartoon really demonstrated how I feel as well.
The role of women in ministry is a huge issue for me. But beyond that, we just struggle with a variety of other beliefs and ideas. As I’ve said before, I often feel like the most liberal person among conservatives and like the most conservative person among liberals! – Sigh.
But things may be looking up, and we feel encouraged about a church we have been visiting the last few weeks. But I will leave thoughts on that to another post…
Sad to say, you are very much not alone. Remember the old Police song about a lonely person who sends out a message in a bottle, and finds one morning millions of return bottle washed up on the shore? His conclusion?
There are so many going through similar journeys that Jeremy Myers has edited a book with 36 stories of christians struggling with “finding church”. read about it at I’m a published author! (yes, I am one of the 36).
I remember reading about this book on your blog unklee. I need to get a copy! I guess one reason we feel so alone is that we don’t know anyone locally, “in the flesh” going through similar things. We only know of others through the internet. We know there must be some locals but we can’t seem to find them. We also live in a particularly conservative and traditional area of the USA which can make you feel even more alien. I’m so thankful for the support network I’ve found online.
But isn’t it wonderful to have the internet at a time like this!? A while back a woman in a northern state of the USA contacted me in Australia, having just left a church that they (she, her husband and 2 children) felt was sucking them dry. They were feeling disoriented, questioning some doctrines, and unsure what was happening to them. We corresponded for a while and she began to feel more confident that God was indeed leading them to new understandings and ministries.
You may also want to look up George Barna’s “Revolution” on the web. He is a pollster and his book reflects his polling, and he predicted several years ago now that within a couple of decades, half of US christians would be part of non- traditional churches (home church, simple church, internet church, workplace fellowships, family fellowships, etc).
Finally, I can also recommend the House2House organisation, which assists people getting together as “Simple Churches” – there is even a page on the website to help people find a local simple church.
Best wishes.
I guess I’ve been displaced the entire time of my life in Christ! For me, the issues are a lot more about doctrine, not women. But I continue to plod away, serving where I can, and wait for God’s timing.
Thanks for your comment K! Some of us just don’t seem to “fit” for variable reasons (and I know you can relate), and we have to find a way to at least make things work to some degree in our church/Christian community. Or else we end up a refugee – leaving the church altogether. That is not an option for us. You are a good example of one option – patiently plodding away, being an influence, and waiting on God where you are in your church. After bouncing around from place to place for several years, we have got to find somewhere that will “work” for us (we have no delusions about finding a perfect situation!). We MAY have found somewhere, but are proceeding with cautious hope.
One thing that has made patience a crucial matter for us is that we had children, and responsible parents don’t church hop. It sets a bad example for the kids. We’ve got friends who did that, and they wonder now why their adult children are reluctant about church. Some days, I come home from church crying because of the issues, but then God holds me up.
You said once that some of the things I post resonate with you. I think there is a reason for this. What you’ve written here is exactly what I’ve been going through for 3 years as I remain as a pastor, and has prevented me from finding a position as a senior/preaching pastor. I’ve changed in ways that have proven to be significant, and this has created a sense of homelessness for us.
“As I’ve said before, I often feel like the most liberal person among conservatives and like the most conservative person among liberals! – Sigh.”
I’ve said this EXACT thing to several people. Free church Evangelicalism is becoming splintered and for some of us – speaking for myself – there may not be a home in it anymore (I’m assuming you don’t belong to a denomination). As the Evangelicalism is collapsing (I’m convinced of this) it becomes more polarized as different factions offer their respective solutions to the problem: be more Calvinistic, be more Young Earth, be more politically oriented, be more Complementarian, and anyone who doesn’t agree with us is part of the problem. At least, this has been my experience as we’ve tried to search out what God would have next for us.
I’m not free to talk about this on my blog – not yet – but my wife and I have found a new “home”, and in 2013 I will be ordained as an Anglican. The transition is tricky, but we are very excited about it. For the first time in years, we feel like we know where we are going.
Thanks so much for honestly sharing Eric! I think your situation is extra tough and challenging seeing you are in active ministry – and I’m sure you’ve had to navigate through this very carefully. Feeling “homeless” – yep, that is another accurate way to describe it.
I completely agree with your analysis in your 3rd paragraph. Perhaps we can find comfort by just realizing that living in any time of tumultuous change is always going to be difficult. Although I will always consider myself an evangelical, we may be moving to a mainline Protestant group…but proceeding with cautious hope. I hope to be able to say along with you (sooner than later!): “For the first time in years, we feel like we know where we are going.”
It is sad that more evangelical leaders don’t seem to be “listening” to the disenfranchised among us.
Good luck with your search. That’s really important.
Interesting link, Laura. One thing about the church is that it is spiritually impossible to be outside it once you’re in. I think physical displacement happens often, though, and it leads to a type of spiritual disharmony. I hope you are in a local harmonious body soon.
New Year blessings,
Tim
Thanks Tim. Yep – physical displacement and spiritual disharmony are other accurate ways to word it.
I hope this church works out for you, continue prayers on this journey of finding a church home as you make your decision.