When I first started blogging almost 2 years ago, I had the following 2 posts about the trend of doubters leaving the faith.
- Young Doubters Leaving the Faith, Part One. This post highlighted recent stats on people leaving the faith, and the unfortunate, unhelpful responses they received from Christians when they began to have questions and doubts.
- Young Doubters Leaving the Faith, Part Two. In this post I share practical ideas for how to better interact with people having doubts. Let’s not drive them away faster through our ungracious, unhelpful or downright rude reactions!
In light of this, I wanted to share a series of posts from a guy named Nate who was once a believer but has now “de-converted” and considers himself atheist. Nate is a really nice guy – and I honestly mean that. We interact on each others blogs from time to time. He is not one of those vitriolic former believer types at all. As I recently read through his recent series of posts on his de-conversion, what stood out to me was the various responses he got from Christians in his life. I found it interesting to see the things that they did (or didn’t do) that were helpful (or not so helpful) as he was on this journey. We can learn from this my friends! The first post in his series is here.
I hope Nate’s posts might help someone out there have a little more understanding and sympathy for what it is like to doubt and eventually reject the faith. Believe it or not, most of them are not cruel heartless people who take pleasure in troubling their believing friends and family by rejecting faith! They are real people and their move away from faith can be as difficult for them as it is for their friends and family.
Something that leaves me pondering is how an explanation or piece of “evidence” that is convincing to one person does not convince another. For Nate, the book of Daniel posed a serious concern that contributed significantly to his rejection of faith. For my own father, the book of Daniel had the opposite effect. My dad spent a couple of years carefully considering Christianity and the Bible, before finally making a decision to trust Christ as Savior. He was never the type to make a rash decision. One of the decision factors that tipped the scales for him was actually Daniel. It has to be admitted that Daniel is a complex book and there are genuine historical and interpretive concerns. But for my dad, more about Daniel made it trustworthy than non-trustworthy and it contributed to his conversion to Christ.
My point here is not to pit my dad against Nate! Nate is a careful thinker just like my dad. My point is that I’ve observed this before. Two equally intelligent people will perceive the same things differently, and come to different conclusions. So, walloping others over the head with “so there” facts doesn’t seem to be the answer! A little more charity and humble dialogue seems needed by those on both sides….
Enough Light 
Thanks for posting this, Laura. I really appreciate your treatment of the subject. Too often, people don’t take the time to see things from a different perspective. I’m glad that you do. 🙂
You are welcome Nate. And thanks also for the compliment.
I think it is a 1 Cor. 2:14 thing, Laura, but I could be wrong. After all, Jesus invited doubters.
Hey Tim! Well, I agree totally with the critical role of the Spirit. But…the former believers I know are a mixed bunch. Some I know personally, and some via the web. Several I doubt were ever true believers to begin with…so I think they “left” something they never actually “had” to start with. But others had every sign and indication of being true Spirit-filled believers – and yet ended up rejecting the faith. What about these situations? They had the Spirit to bring enlightenment but rejected the faith. Seems the Spirit should have kept that from happening? But…we do still have free will even though the Spirit is in us and God doesn’t force things on us. We can grieve and quench the Spirit. Well, I’m just rambling and “thinking out loud” here. Any thoughts welcome. : )
Hi Laura,
Well, I hadn’t intended on spending my Sat. evening reading Nate’s story or writing a response to it, but here it goes.
I am sorry for where his search of the ‘truth’ led Nate. His final decision to leave his faith had some strong consequences in the natural. I also feel for his extended family since I am sure they have grieved his departure from the faith they know as well as the close ties they shared for so long.
Having said that, I see his decision as having a strong fundamental flaw. Nate seemed to comb through the scriptures to find truth as well as seeking men’s thoughts. I didn’t read anything about fasting and praying for Jesus to reveal the truth to him. After all, scripture says he is ‘the life, THE TRUTH, the way. Coming from an unchurched background, my first experience with God was through a dream at the age of 16. The Lord continued to pursue me through my secular degree at the University of Nevada. Although I balked at the writing of ‘Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God’ by Jonathan Edwards, it was the Lords love that constantly pursued me. When I began to take notice of Him and question Him, I found Him to be real and made a decision to follow him. Ironically, my family rejected me for doing so! So many of Nate’s questions questioned weather God was merciful or loving. He mentioned the flood for example. Did he miss the part where God had Noah preach for 120 years for the people to repent? It wasn’t a rash or uncaring decision on God’s part. Mankind had become increasingly evil in their behavior. Could a JUST and HOLY God turn His back on all of that? There is much evidence that Nate seemed to over look about God’s character as he researched the scriptures that might have shed light on his doubts. In fact, I find it difficult to believe that the Lord would not have met him in his place of doubting if he had asked him to. After all, when the Ethiopian needed understanding from the scriptures in Acts ch.8, the Lord miraculously sent Philip to explain the scriptures. The Apostle Paul wanted to bring the gospel east but the Holy Spirit led him west. If God ordained such things in scripture because he cared both for the individual as well as the masses, would He not also (still!) care for Nate, his family and billions of others since the beginning of time? Even the story of Jonah is a story of God’s grace to an undeserving people (Nineveh) …and person (Jonah). If anyone doubts, let them go to the One who truly holds the truth and will be glad to reveal it if we seek Him with all of OUR HEART (not just intellect!). I really would have liked to have answered some of his questions from his blog because there were answers! But it’s getting late and I would probably prefer to speak to him face to face if I had the chance (and he had the interest!). : ) Thanks for letting me share.
Thanks for taking the time to write this out Ellen. You’ve shared parts of your story before with me, and I know God relentlessly pursued you. You give excellent examples from the Scriptures of God’s vast mercy, grace, and patience. I agree.
Yet, this is a complex issue. Speaking generally of genocide in the Old Testament for example. We can see instances where God in his mercy warned, gave chances, and made His name known. We also can’t forget that some of the ancient pagan cultures were incredibly evil. I think some people today are naive or uninformed about the horrific practices of some of these nations. God could not tolerate it anymore. Yet, the wide scale slaughter of entire people groups – even women and innocent children? God telling the Israelites to slaughter people? Leave no one – not even children. Imagine slaughtering children? I can understand how this deeply troubles some people. It troubles me too actually. Yes, we can also see God’s patience and mercy, and we can’t forget God’s just and holy character – but some things are still… troubling. There are “answers” but I can understand why they just don’t work for some people. I think we need to try to approach these issues a bit more humbly and realize that the “answers” aren’t quite so easy or clear cut as we might think.
God also works in the lives of different people differently. In regards to Nate, you state: “In fact, I find it difficult to believe that the Lord would not have met him in his place of doubting if he had asked him to.” – I don’t know Ellen but this seems a bit ungracious. I have a friend I’ll call “Mary” for privacy reasons. A former believer she now considers herself agnostic. Yet, from time to time she reconsiders faith. This past summer was one such time. We communicated back and forth multiple times. She wants to believe but just…can’t. I’ve not encountered anything quite like it. It is almost like faith is just impossible for her. And Mary has sought God with her heart and mind, and earnestly prayed, and reached times of total desperation. Yet, God has not met her in her place of doubting. Not yet at least. She seems settled in agnosticism again. I am thankful for the windows of opportunity I have with her.
I do see what you are getting at Ellen. Some people aren’t really looking for answers, they are looking for excuses…any excuse not to believe! Some may seek God but only halfheartedly. Etc. And we may need to call them on it! But…this isn’t always the case. I know Jeremiah 29:13 says, “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” I believe this. Yet, God’s ways can also be mysterious and God’s timing isn’t always easy to figure out. God doesn’t always work at the time we think he should. And I’m not sure it is right to assume that if God hasn’t met someone in their doubt – that the person was halfhearted, or didn’t pray enough, etc. That can be unkind and further push someone away. God may be at work in ways we don’t realize or his “time” to reveal himself just hasn’t come yet.
Well, thanks for letting me share back. These are tough issues, and I appreciate opportunities to think things out…
A great post LLM and a gracious, heartfelt response to Ellen.
A year or so ago, I would have had the same reaction as Ellen. “Surely there is something MORE Nate could do, or hasn’t done ENOUGH of . . .” But, having gotten to know Nate myself over this past year–via the blogosphere, like yourself–I can honestly see that there are simply times when people do all they know to do, yet still in the end walk away . . . from a job, from a toxic relationship, from God.
Looking back over Nate’s situation, I wish I could have been there for him as well, and/or been more a part of the support system he may have needed at the time. But how can you dispute when Nate felt his family, his friends, his church were all he ‘should’ have needed to find the answers and support he was so desperately seeking. How do we know there wasn’t desperate, pleading prayer; from Nate, his family, his church? I, for one, can’t fault him that. How can we as believers say he didn’t do enough? Or ask him to do more: Especially when, in the end, it was us–as the family of God–who ultimately failed him? (Withdrawal? Honestly??) Who, when the chips ultimately fall, do you ‘judge’ as not doing enough?
Also, as believers, how can we not say that the Lord isn’t still using Nate in some small way towards his (God’s) own glory? I can’t count the number of times I’ve been sent to the Word for research and/or clarification on a (very valid) point that Nate raised during one of our discussions. These dialogs have done nothing but strengthen my own belief as well as, I can only assume, yours as well, LLM. Nate may be exactly where the Lord wants him to be . . . for now.
Great post llm you.make a good point that two.people can see the same thing,but interpret it differently
Hi Kent! There wasn’t a reply button below your response so I hope you see this down here. Thanks for your comments. I appreciate your thoughts and agree. I read a book last year entitled “Walking away from faith. Unraveling the mystery of belief and unbelief” by Ruth Tucker. I plan to read through it again and blog through it soon – I’ll have posts where I share and interact with the book. My personal experiences dealing with doubters and those who have left faith reveal that this is a complex issue…and the word mystery fits it well.
Here is an except from the book: Where is the line that divides religious belief from unbelief? I’m not sure. All of us in our faith fall somewhere on the vast, subjective spectrum that ranges from absolute certainty to unrestrained skepticism. Some profess a confident belief in God that is never questioned; others cling to belief riveted with doubts, only a millimeter shy of unbelief. Some are insecure in their unbelief, while others appear to be content in their confident belief that there is no God. No matter where we find ourselves on this spectrum, we need to listen to the voices of others and refrain from hasty judgment.
And here is a summary of the book: In this no-holds-barred book, Ruth Tucker tackles the tough questions about losing faith. She gives historical perspective by looking at prominent Christians who have struggled with faith. She grapples with difficult philosophical and theological issues. She explores the hard questions that bring people to the point of losing faith – questions about suffering, science, and more.