Thanks to my readers for tolerating my temper tantrum rant post over the weekend! I posted it immediately, while I’d normally wait a couple days and do some editing after writing something where I was emotionally riled up.
Yesterday a post over at Her-meneutics blog essentially made the same point as my post, except from a different angle and in a calmer manner. (Ahem.) I was relieved to know that another person is thinking in a similar way. The post is: In Defense of Church Hoppers (Some Christians’ spiritual baggage makes it harder to find a church home) and is written by Michelle Van Loon. I hope you’ll take a moment to read it.
I’d stated that we should not assume that someone has an “entitlement” mentality just because they left a church with the complaint that no one reached out to them. The church needs to consider that it may be partly to blame. Maybe the church needs to re-evaluate its pastoral outreach ministry.
Similarly, Michelle discusses how people who leave a church are often looked on with disdain as having a “consumer” mentality. While this can be the case, it may not be. Michelle states:
Church hoppers get a bum rap, and it’s time for us to seriously consider these believers and why they struggle to maintain a long-term relationship with a local body.
Amen Michelle! She gives 3 examples of people who are struggling to find a church home. Please look at their brief stories – as I think they are perfect examples of people who don’t have “consumer” mentalities yet are finding it difficult to assimilate into a church.
Churches need to get better at personal one-on-one outreach and really listening to those who start visiting their church. What is their story? Who are they? And how can they best be drawn into the fellowship? People with “spiritual baggage” or special circumstances may need a little more care and assistance at getting plugged into the church.
These are often the very types of people that Jesus reached out to during his earthly ministry – people who were outside the sociological norm or had “baggage” of various types! How is it that His church seems to be failing so miserably at this?
I contend that faithfulness is a two-way street. The church must be faithful to what it is and this is where I see holes that produce spiritual wanders. I think your previous post hit the nail on the head with the commodity mentality. If people perceive they are only valuable to the extent they contribute something, then the one who is in need can feel like they don’t belong. I also think many of our non-denominational, mega-church types are set up for extroverts.
Thanks Lisa for your thoughts – I agree. My “commodity” wording came from your post actually – and I think your analysis is right on that “the church must be faithful to what it is and this is where I see holes that produce spiritual wanders.”
Good follow-up, Laura. I enjoyed Michelle’s post at her.meneutics too, and reflected that every Christian who shows up at church on a Sunday morning belongs there, because it is the gathering of the body of Christ whether the individual members are long-time attenders, hoppers or just visiting from out of town. I would hope that church leadership sees them this way as well. I’d also hope that the attenders would see leadership the same way: fellow believers who have as much business being there as anyone else. And that everyone together would realize that it is only by God’s grace that we have the Church universal to belong to in the first place. Perhaps I’m expecting too much grace from us al, since we are all still struggling with our fleshly desires, but I think this is where we can go under the ministry of the Holy Spirit.
Thanks for your comments Tim! “I’d also hope that the attenders would see leadership the same way: fellow believers who have as much business being there as anyone else.” – good point here. In my temper tantrum post, I mentioned that we can unfairly expect too much from our leaders and that all believers have a role to shepherd each other. But your comment made me think of it further. Leaders are people too and they also need care. Sometimes leaders (of whatever type or place) can be seen as having their act together and not needing support – and can end up isolated and/or discouraged. They need encouragement and friendship too.
I think there are several good thoughts here.
Lisa is right. There is a need for two-way faithfulness, and I think the mega-church can be part of the problem.
Tim is right too, that there are problems flowing both directions. Sheep have teeth, and I have the scars to prove it.
Pastors fall into the commodity mentality because there is a constant pressure to prove you are “leading” the church. It is no longer enough to be a shepherd a flock, a pastor is running a multi-million dollar corporation. A pastor who can’t “take the church to the next level” – which is always judged by numerical growth, satelite campuses, etc – is seen as an incompetent leader. We have to continually be pushing our brand and expanding our market share. To prove his value to the company, he has to show what he is accomplishing to the shareholders, but he can’t do it without manpower. The flock becomes that manpower.
I once sat in a church board meeting and the topic of a struggling church in our town came up. They were losing people because their “guru” youth pastor moved on. One of our board members said, “Now that they’re having trouble, we need to find a way to get some of their people in here.” Expanding market share when your competition falters. How very Darwinian of us.
The way I see it, modern Evangelicalism has sold out to pragmatism, and now judges itself by the standards of the corporation. The system has broken down. Pastors “use” the congregation, and the congregation uses the pastors so they can feel like they’re playing for the winning team. Christians, both pastors and laity, that don’t play the game get left behind and it creates this feeling of homelessness.
Excellent commentary and analysis Eric where you delve even deeper into the state of modern evangelicalism. Your final paragraph is an astute summary. Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts.
I’ve always seen shepherding as a key role of the pastorate, yet more and more I see pastors who are like administrators who manage from the distance. I think this particularly disturbs me b/c I am an introvert, and value one-on-one care and shepherding others. It really upsets me to see people overlooked or marginalized. So I think the whole corporation mentality and pragmatic approach particularly bother me.
This is true. And those that hunger and thirst after righteousness will be filled (Matt 5:6), they will find a church home as long as their search is real.
My wife and I have changed churches 5 times in 46 years, but it was never (primarily) because we were dissatisfied – though most times we were. It was because we believed we had completed the work God had for us at that church, and after much prayer we decided it was time to move on. But if it was just dissatisfaction, we’d have left way, way sooner (or at least I would!).
Let’s say a believer faithfully commits to a congregation for 30 years. The believer can’t seem to make any friends and all the people are married or out of one’s age bracket, etc. But he stays there out of imposed guilt about “church hopping”, the guilt coming from folks whose intimacy needs are well met….this guy is so lonely that he just finds church so depressing. But he soldiers on through the pain and sorrow.
Let’s say a believer meets many friends from various congregations. He is happy, he has found those that he can confess his sins to, submit to, is confessed to, is submitted to…….he is full of joy and spreads it wherever he goes.
Should he have stayed where he would have died of loneliness?
Good points Robert. I agree. Thanks for leaving a comment. We were at a church for several years where we tried very hard to assimilate without success. We were very lonely and isolated, and finally decided to move on. We tried to talk to a Pastor at this church before we left (and we tried to be gracious and diplomatic about it) but we were just seen as complainers. Sigh.