Continuing to blog through this book: Walking Away from Faith (Unraveling the Mystery of Belief and Unbelief) by Ruth Tucker. InterVarsity Press, 2002. * part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6
I hope to finish this series up in 2 or 3 more posts. The last section of the book looks at actual stories of people who have walked away from faith. It presents both sides – people who have walked away, and people who walked away but returned to faith.
Believers often assume that a post-faith life must be unhappy and hopeless. While this may be the case for some (one person described their life without faith as “utterly without meaning”), many others describe their post-faith life as more content and happy. With one clarification, the initial break from their faith was indeed difficult. Families and church communities are profoundly affected when one of their own walks away and begins a life of unbelief. But after this initial period, many claim a sense of peace that they’d never had before. Some Christians may see this as a facade, and perhaps it could be for some, yet we can’t assume that they are all putting on a front!
Indeed, my agnostic friend that I sometimes mention in posts, has told me in a puzzled way that she is less anxious and more at peace without faith. She has shared this with me in a genuinely perplexed way. Isn’t faith suppose to have the opposite effect? One person Tucker refers to in the book says that faith brought them more problems than answers, and they feel tremendous relief, “saved” if you will, without their faith. After leaving faith, another person said this:
…the greatest benefit I discovered was the disappearance of a spiritual barrier for me between people. When I had strong religion…I was in a “spiritually superior state.” Now I see Christians just as people with a mistaken belief…I now see us all as vulnerable human beings full of hopes and fears and psychological tangle.
I see this as a really sad commentary for us as believers! Shouldn’t that quote be reversed? That our faith makes us humble, vulnerable, and we just see people as people! Yet too often believers do come across as in a spiritually superior state, and we are more full of judgment than grace.
Instead of being offended or dismissive or threatened by people who walk away from faith, we need to carefully listen to their stories. Some who have walked away from faith were in a faith community that was not authentic Christianity. For example, my agnostic friend was raised in a very legalistic and harsh church environment. As believers, we need to ask ourselves some hard questions: What is it about Christianity, as represented in my culture, that makes it so unappealing to so many people? Why are unbelievers not attracted to my church? What is unattractive about me as Christian? – Note: these questions are not about watering down Christianity to make it more appealing, but about Christians being more forthright about their shortcomings. We need to thoughtfully consider critique, rather than immediately going on the defense. Maybe, just maybe, there is some truth in critique that we lack humility, are unkind, don’t listen, are quick to judge, etc!
This made me think of a post I wrote on the now cancelled TV show “Good Christian Bitches” and the Christian response of outrage. My take was that there should be more humility and less outrage. On a social network site where I posted it…most Christians did not like what I wrote. But I got a e-mail from an unbeliever who said they really liked the post because it was very honest and real. Hmm…but I’m getting off topic.
Christians who begin to struggle with doubts often don’t find any “support” in the Christian community. As mentioned, Christians are too often dismissive or threatened. Tucker references a former believer who only found support while in the midst of their struggle from unbelievers on the internet. Tucker remarks:
Why, I ask, did he have to go outside the community of faith for support? How differently things might have ended if their support group had been not unbelievers on the internet but believers in the flesh – believers who know that a community of faith which wholly trusts in God’s sovereign grace need not be threatened by unbelief.
Well, I guess that’s it for this post. In the next one, I’ll look at how some who returned to their faith reconciled their faith and doubt.
“more humility and less outrage”
Yes, oh yes, Laura! The family of God is founded upon our gracious Savior. Why isn’t the family more gracious too? I know it’s because we are all fallen, but that can’t be really an excuse for acting ungraciously to those around us who need grace just as much as we do. Glad God is always gracious, and that his mercies are always new.
Tim
Amen Tim!
I am really appreciating your review of this book and this issue, and again I agree with you (and Tim).
I think we are experiencing a new phenomenon. In my 50 years as a christian, I have known many who embraced the faith in youth but dropped out after only a short time (from days to a few years), but I think it is only in the last decade that I have known several apparently strong and long-time adult christians leaving the faith, and others really struggling. And I have come to know many on the web too.
I agree with you that many of them are just as happy now as they seemed as faithful christians, and happier than when they went through the turmoil of losing their faith. And I agree also that christians don’t always respond well.
I have learnt through all this. I think when I first met such ‘deconverts’ on the web I was probably less sympathetic, but discussion with them has shown me that they include some very genuine and caring people (as far as I can tell). Most deconvert out of fairly ‘fundamentalist’ backgrounds and their reasons almost always seem to me to be based on mistaken understanding and are not the reasons I would give if I felt I could no longer believe. Maybe I mix with a certain type of person (both in life and on the web), But I find it significant that most stop believing because of a perceived lack of evidence rather than because of ill treatment by christians, though there are clearly some in the latter category too.
The often hidden aspect is that many struggle without admitting it to anyone. They retain their belief, but they no longer have the confidence and peace that they once had.
We clearly need to be more sympathetic and open to these people, as all people. No good is served by being nasty or dismissive. But the question is, how are we going to better prepare young christians to deal with these threats? I have written a lot on these things because i think they are so important, and I suppose I will continue to do so, so I look forward to the rest of your review.
Thanks for all your input Unklee! I appreciate your thoughts. I’ve enjoyed blogging through the book. I find I learn more by writing a review and/or interacting with a book. It can be hard work, but worth it.